道具: TV 花5 奶牛装 护士装 鸡排 钻石鸡排 背后字 开场舞 主持人:大家好,欢迎收看CCRZ鸡排卫视《非雷勿扰》,我是主持人XX.至此七夕佳节,为了答谢观众朋友们对我们的...
《非雷勿搞》短剧剧本演员脚本 画外音：欢迎来到外语系电视台，有请主持人寇洋。（音乐起，主持人出场） 主持人：女士们，先生们。各位观众朋友们大家晚上好，这里是《非雷勿搞》昌 吉学院外语系专场的节目直播现场，我是主持人寇洋，自从我们节目开播以来， 一直受到学校单身贵族们的强烈追捧。
今天来参加节目的各位嘉宾都是我们外语 系钻石级别的大龄剩女。
我真心的祝愿你们能够找到自己的幸福。接下来让我们 以热烈的掌声请出今天5位漂亮的单身女嘉宾。
（音乐起，女嘉宾出场，各位女嘉宾上台后摆各种 pose,注意要根据个人的性格 来摆造型，直到主持人叫停，所有人定格自己的造型） 主持人：欢迎各位美女光临本次节目现场。首先根据节目规则，各位美女们每人 有一分钟的时间来介绍一下自己，下面有请一号美女?. 一号女嘉宾：
（性格活泼开朗，善于言谈，口齿伶俐）各位观众朋友们大家晚上 好，我是来自外语系的----，由于在学校学习太闷了，所以想找个男朋友，以此 来排解学习的压力。
我对男生没有很严格的要求，只要当我烦了的时候我能对他 发泄一下就行。
主持人：好。一号女嘉宾是想找一个出气筒。下面我们有请第二位美女。
二号女嘉宾：
（长期宅在宿舍里，性格怪异，时而活泼时而内向）大家好，我是 来自三号宿舍楼的一位大龄宅女。我只希望我的男朋友能天天陪我聊天。当我需 要什么的时候他会像京东商城的配送员一样为我真诚的服务。
最重要的一点是我 买东西，他付钱。呵呵。
主持人：二号女嘉宾是想找一个富裕的配送员。下面有请三号美女。
三号女嘉宾：
（性格随和，声音甜美，说话温柔） 大家晚上好，我来自美丽的伊 犁大草原。
我的名字是----， 我今天来就是想找到一个今年能陪我回家过年的男 朋友。因为我妈对我的婚姻大事很担心。
主持人：三号女嘉宾是想找一个准女婿。接下来让我们?（作吃惊状）让我们看 一下四号女嘉宾。
四号女嘉宾：
（性格火爆， 脾气非常不好， 说话大大咧咧） 大家晚上好， 我是-----， 今天我来到这--（故意装温柔）想找个男朋友。
主持人：对不起，您能说的大声点吗？ 四号女嘉宾：
（声音越说越小）我想找个男朋友. 主持人：对不起。您能再声音大点不能，我真的没听清楚。
四号女嘉宾：
（立马转变态度）我说我想找个男朋友！ ！能听到不能？先生！ （暴 跳，让所有人都震惊） 主持人：
（故作害怕状）听懂了。我听清楚了。你想找个男朋友。让我们一起来 看五号美女。
五号女嘉宾：
（性格内向，特别害羞，不敢见人）大家好，嘿嘿（作捂脸状）我 叫---，我来这，嘿嘿（扭头作不好意思状）我想找个男朋友。
主持人：这是一位羞涩的美女。呵呵。来让我们一起来看最后一位美女。
六号女嘉宾：
（特别喜欢镜头，最喜欢上镜，说每一句话都去找一下镜头）女士 们，先生们。我是来自美丽的大不列颠及北爱尔兰王国。今天来这就是想找一位 真心喜欢我的白马王子。 主持人：这是一位来自海外的理想型美女。来这想找个骑着白马的王子。
（转头 向六号女嘉宾）不知骑骆驼的行不行？ 六号女嘉宾：
（点头）也可以。
主持人：
今晚凡是牵手成功的情侣将获得由昌吉市飞马财富集团提供的飞马步行 街一日游免费体验劵两张。
凡是得到三个笑脸的男嘉宾将会获得由昌吉学院餐饮 部免费提供的烤馕一个和酸奶一杯。希望各位多多努力。下面我们有请今天晚上 的1号男嘉宾入场。
（音乐起，一号男嘉宾出场） 1号男：主持人好，大家好！ 主持人：男嘉宾你好，给大家做一个自我介绍吧！ 1号男：大家好！我叫欧阳寂寞，别名诸葛孤独。我来自昌吉学院外语系 主持人：那我想请问这位同学，你不好好在教室里背英语，怎么想到来参加我们 的非诚勿扰节目了？ 1号男：众所周知，我们学院的男女比例一直是个大问题。当人的欲望得不到满 足的时候，他就会悲观、绝望，甚至是厌世，这严重影响到我的单词记忆能力， 尤其我们是在这个如狼似虎的年纪，朋友们，你们懂的！ 每当我寂寞的时候，我就会掏出手机，拨打10086，听一听那个女人的声音。
（作 掏手机状） 画外音：您好，5438号话务员为您服务。
1号男：您好，我昌吉学院的学生。
画外音：先生您好，很高兴为您服务，请问有什么可以帮您吗？ 1号男：哦。你好，我想找个女朋友 画外音：对不起先生，我们不能为您提供此项服务。
1号男：为什么不能？你们不是承诺说有什么事找10086客服吗？ 画外音：先生，我们是这么承诺过，可是您提的这种要求不在我们的服务范围之 内，所以我们不能为您提供此项服务。还希望您能理解。
1号男：可是我就想找个漂亮的女朋友。不行，我不能理解你，你今天必须给我 找一个。否则，我投诉你。
画外音：别投诉我，先生，您先别着急，您先听我说，如果您非要找一个的话， 我可以帮你， 我知道一个热线电话，她们或许能帮你。
1 号男：真的！你快说！快说!（激动） 画外音：先生，你在挂断电话后直接拨打 10010，她们肯定能帮你。
1 号男：嗯嗯嗯，好的，谢谢你啊，再见。
（着急） （主持人拉着 1 号男） 主持人：真行，把你介绍给中国联通了。哈哈。
。
。
主持人：看来你找女朋友的心真的是很急啊，我都要被你感动了。那你都会些什 么呢？ 1 号男：我会唱歌。
（话刚说完就直接唱歌，唱一首英文歌曲或者美声歌剧，看 着某一位女嘉宾很深情的演唱，让人感觉很恶心） 主持人：下面的美女们对这位男士有什么评价呢。
一号女嘉宾：恶心。
（做呕吐状） 二号女嘉宾：无聊。
（很随意的说） 四号女嘉宾：我想杀了他。
（恶狠狠的说） （所有女嘉宾牌子全部亮哭脸。可惜不是你音乐响起） 主持人：很遗憾，中国移动办不到的我们也很难办到，也许让中国联通给你介绍 到中国电信还可以呢。
1 号男：为什么？为什么？（很无辜的被主持人请下台去） 主持人：下面有请 2 号男嘉宾。
（西游记主题曲音乐响起） 2 号男：
（一身超雷人的混搭造型，同手同脚走着入场。表现出很紧张的样子， 忘记和观众打招呼） 主持人：
（作莫名其妙状）2 号男嘉宾。你好，你好。
（手指向观众）你得给观众 打个招呼啊！ （2 号男作听不明白状）打-招-呼！ 2 号男：
（好似听懂了点，思考了三秒钟，很无辜的表情，用维语说）亚克西姆 斯来 主持人：
（提醒 2 号男）用英语说。
2 号男：
（楞一秒，用日语说）空尼奇瓦 主持人：
（再次提醒）英语，不是日语。
2 号男嘉宾：
（终于反应过来，用生硬的英语说，故意发音特别不标准）对不起， 我..我..（突然又不知怎么说，紧张） 主持人：
（提醒 2 号男）介绍自己。
2 号男：我的名字是朱玉康， （吞吞吐吐，思考怎么组织语言）我—我--在昌吉 学院上学。我---我---我---是男生。
（用生硬的英语说）我想在这找个女朋友， 把她带回我们河南。
（在此过程中，其他女嘉宾都在互相嘲笑 2 号男，没有语言完全用表情去嘲笑， 而且有时也会被 2 号男逗得大笑） 主持人：
（作明白状）哦。要找个老婆带回家啊。那你有没有什么才艺啊？ 2 号男：
（作不明白状，挠头思考） 主持人：你会唱歌不会？ 2 号男：
（摇摇头） 主持人：那你会跳舞不会？跳舞？（扭动身体作解释跳舞状） 2 号男：
（激动）跳舞？我会！我会！ 主持人：
（松了一口气，微笑） 2 号男：
（做热身动作） （主持人准备阻止） 2 号男：
（朝前面音响师处打一响指） （生硬英语）音--乐！ （江南 style 高潮音乐响起） （2 号男跳 style 舞） （迈克.杰克逊舞蹈音乐响起） （2 号男跳迈克的舞，跳到一半想不起来就做广播体操之后又转到 style 舞） （舞台上所有女嘉宾都在爆笑， 主持人已控制不住场面，四号女嘉宾实在看不下 去，她跑到前面把 2 号男拉下场，拉的同时用手打他的头，2 号男很害怕，低头 被四号女嘉宾一起拉下台） 主持人：
（看着两人走出现场，长出一口气）以后这种人绝对不能再放进来了。
好了，观众朋友们，让我们用热烈的掌声欢迎今天的最后一位男嘉宾。
（音乐响 起） 3 号男：
（一身唐僧装扮）大家晚上好，我名字叫唐僧，我今天来其实是为了六 号女嘉宾，我喜欢她已经很久了。 主持人：哦，直奔主题啊！好，那你今天来有没有为她准备什么呢？ 3 号男：我有准备。我给她准备了一首歌。
（西游记—主题曲英文版） （西游记主 题曲音乐随着配上） （唱着从自己的衣服里掏出一个用纸做的心粘在一根棍子上） 主持人：
（为他们高兴）准备的真充分。那接下来看看六位美女对这位唐先生的 印象如何。
（一、二、三、五均举哭脸，四人对六号女嘉宾说“开心” ） （六号思考三秒后举 了个笑脸） （全场掌声爆响） 主持人：
（开心幸福的笑，鼓掌）祝福你们两个！ （3 号男很绅士地牵着六号女的 手，幸福的笑） 主持人：
（话筒指向 3 号男）此时此刻你最想说的是什么？ 3 号男：我最想说：
“骑白马的不一定是王子，在中国还有可能是唐僧” 。(很暧 昧的看着六号女笑) 主持人：嗯，说的好！ 恭喜唐先生与---牵手成功，飞马步行街一日游免费体验 劵随后会由工作人员送到你们的宿舍。
希望你们一生幸福。
那么到这里， 本期 《非 雷勿搞》到此结束了，我在这里代表我们节目的所有演员，祝愿我们昌吉学院外 语系的单身贵族们尽快找到生命的另一半， 祝在场所有的人都一辈子幸福。
谢谢! （所有演员站成一排鞠躬谢幕退场） 演员：六名女嘉宾，三名男嘉宾，一名主持人，一名画外音 道具：非雷勿搞主持人手持卡片，演员服装自备，3 男嘉宾唐僧装 音乐：非诚勿扰开场曲和结束曲，1 号男英文歌曲，江南 style，迈克杰 克逊舞曲，西游记主题曲纯音乐 Voiceover: welcome to the foreign language television station, please Moderators Kou ocean. (music, the host appeared in host: Ladies, gentlemen).Dear audience friends good evening everyone, here is the "non Lei do not engage in"
the Foreign Language Department of Changji University special show live scene, I was host Kou ocean, since we show since the launch, has been the subject of school singletons strongly pursued.Today to participate in the show's guests are our foreign language department diamond older 3S lady.I really wish you can find your own happiness.Let us warm applause please today 5 beautiful single female guest. (music, female guest appearances, all female guests came to power after a variety of pose, pay attention to according to the individual character to pose, until the host stopped, all rated their styling) Host: welcome to the show beauty.According to the program rules, all the girls each have one minute to introduce myself, please have the following a belle.... A female guest (: lively and outgoing personality, good conversation, have a ready tongue) dear audience friends good evening everyone, I am from Department of foreign language, learn at school, because is too boring, so I want to find a boyfriend, in order to resolve the pressure of study.I told the boys not very strict requirements, as long as I'm tired when I can vent his once line. Host: good.On the female guests are looking for a punching bag.Here we have invited second beauty. Two female guest: (long-term residence in the dormitory, character bizarre, sometimes active and sometimes inward) Hello, I am from three dormitory building one of the older indoorswoman.I only hope that my boyfriend can accompany me to chat.When I need something he would like Jingdong Mall distribution as a member for my sincere service.The most important point is that I buy something, he will pay.Ha-ha.Host: two female guests are looking for a rich and distribution.Below are the three belle. Three female guest: (easy-going, sound sweet, soft-spoken) good evening everyone, I come from the beautiful grasslands of Yili.My name is ---, I just wanted to find a year can accompany me home have the Spring Festival's boyfriend.Because my mother is very worried about my marriage.Host: three female guests are looking for a son-in-law.Let us next...(be surprised.) let's look at the No. four female guest. Four female guest: (fiery temper is very bad, careless, voice) good evening everyone, I was - - - - -, today I come to this - (deliberately gentle) wanted to find a boyfriend. Moderator: sorry, could you speak a little louder?Four female guest: (sound more and more small) I want to find a boyfriend Moderator: sorry.You can shout can not, I really didn't hear clearly. Four female guest: (immediately to change attitudes) I said I want to find a boyfriend!!Can you hear it?Hello, sir.(rampage, surprised everyone by) Host: (pretended to be afraid of.).I hear it clearly.You want to find a boyfriend.Let us look at five belle. Five female guest: (very shy, introverted, shy) Hello, hey hey (as over his face) my name is ---, I came to this, Hei hei (turned as feel shy.) I want to find a boyfriend.Moderator: This is a shy girl.Ha-ha.To let us see the last beauty. Six female guest: (especially like lens, like most photogenic, every sentence that ask lens) ladies, gentlemen.I come from the beautiful kingdom of Great Britain and Northern ireland.Today it is to find a true love my prince charming. Host: it is an ideal type of woman from overseas.To which I want to find a riding a white horse prince.(turning to six female guest) not a camel ride in? Six female guest: (nodding) can also be. Moderator: tonight that hand successful couples will be obtained by the city of Changji Pegasus Pegasus wealth group provides pedestrian street tour experience two free coupon.All three face of the male guests will be provided free of charge by the Changji University Department of food roasted Nang A and a cup of yogurt.I hope that a lot of effort.Here we have invited tonight 1 male guests admission.(music, a male guest appearance): 1 male host is good, hello!Moderator: male guest Hello, for everyone to make a self introduction!Guy 1: everybody is good!My name is Ouyang lonely lonely, alias Zhuge.I come from the Foreign Language Department of Changji University Moderator: I would like to ask the students in the classroom, you don't have to recite English, how to think of to join us if you are the one program?Guy 1: as everyone knows, our college men and women has been a big problem.When human desires are not met at, he will be pessimistic, despair, and even world-weary, it seriously affects my word memory capacity, especially in this age we are be fierce tigers, friends, you know!Whenever I feel lonely, I will be out of mobile phone, dial 10086, listen to the woman's voice.(for his mobile phone shape) Voiceover: Hello, 5438 number operator for your service.Guy 1: Hello, I Changji University students.Voiceover: Hello, very glad to service for you, what can I do for you?Guy 1: oh.Hello, I want to find a girlfriend Voiceover: sorry sir, we do not provide this service.Guy 1: why not?You are not committed to say what has to find 10086 customer service?Voiceover: Sir, we are so promise, but you are mentioning this request is not in the scope of our services, we can provide you the service.Also hope that you can understand.Guy 1: but I just want to find a girlfriend.No, I can't understand you, you have to find me a.Otherwise, I tell you.Voiceover: I don't complain, sir, you don't worry, you listen to me, if you want to find a word, I can help you, I know a hotline, they might be able to help you. Guy 1: really!You tell me!Tell me! (excited) Voiceover: Sir, you hang up the phone after direct dial 10010, they can certainly help you. Guy 1: uh uh uh, well, thank you, goodbye.Worry. (the host took 1 male) Host: really, introduce you to China Unicom.Ha-ha. Host: it seems that you find a girlfriend heart is really very anxious, I will be moved by you.That you can do? Guy 1: I will sing.(it has just finished just sing, sing a song in English or in Bel canto opera, watching a woman guest very soulful singing, let a person feel nausea) Moderator: the girls on the man's evaluation. A female guest: nausea.(the vomit.) Two female guest: boring.(it is optional.) Four female guest: I wanted to kill him.(a.) (all female guests sign all bright blue.Unfortunately not you music) Moderator: Unfortunately, China Mobile do not do we very difficult to do, may let China Unicom to introduce you to the China Telecom can also. Guy 1: why?Why?(very innocent being asked nonofficeholding.) Moderator: please have the following 2 male guest.(pilgrimage West theme music) Guy 2: (a super shock mix modeling, and hand and foot admission.Show looks nervous, forget to greet the audience) Host: (to be rather baffling type) 2 male guest.Hello, hello.(the finger to the audience) you have to give the audience a greeting! (2 male as to not understand shape). - move out! Guy 2: (seem to understand, about three seconds, very innocent expression, with Uyghur said) to the sims Host: (remind guy 2) in english. Guy 2: (corrugated one second, with the Japanese say empty Niqiwa) Host: (again) English, not like japanese. 2 male guests: (finally responded, with stiff English pronunciation is not standard, deliberately) sorry, I.. (suddenly do not know what to say, tension) Host: (remind guy 2) introduce themselves. Guy 2: my name is Zhu Yukang, (mutter and mumble, thinking about how to organize the language) I - I - at school in Changji University.I I - I - the boys.(with curt.) I would like to find a girlfriend, take her back to Henan. (during this process, the other female guest with each other at 2 m, no language completely with the expression to ridicule, but sometimes also will be 2 men make laugh) Host: (to understand.) oh.To find a wife to take home.You have no talent? Guy 2: (do not understand, scratch their heads) Moderator: can you sing? Guy 2: (shakes her head.) Host: so can you dance?Dancing?(explanation of twisting the body dance form) Guy 2: (excited) dancing?I will be!I will be! Host: (sigh, smile) Guy 2: (do the warm-up act) (the host ready to stop) Guy 2: (toward the front audio division you snap your fingers (blunt) English audio - Music)! (the style climax Music) (2 male jump style dance) (Mike Jackson Dance Music) (2 male dance Mike dance, jump to half could not be done broadcast gymnastics and later transferred to style dance) (the stage all female guests are funny, the host has been unable to control the scene, four female guests do not go down, she ran in front of the 2 men pull off pull with the hand at the same time, hit his head, 2 male very afraid, bow was No. four female guests together down) Host: (looking at two people out of the scene, long out of breath) after this kind of people never put in.Well, audience friends, let us with warm applause to welcome the end of the day a male guest.(Music) Guy 3: (a Tang dress) good evening everyone, my name is Tang, I come today is to six female guest, I love she had for a long time. Moderator: Oh, went straight to the theme!Well, then you today to have prepared her for what? Guy 3: I have prepared.I gave her a song.(journey to the West - theme song English version) (pilgrimage West theme music as with) (sings from his clothes out of his pocket a paper heart stuck on a stick) Host: (happy for them to really fully).The next six beautiful women to have a look the Tang's impressions. (one or two, three, five are for crying, four to six female guests said "happy") (six seconds after thinking for a smiley face) (great applause pink) Host: (happy laughter, applause) bless you two!(3 male very gentleman to hold No. six woman's hand, happy smile) Host: (microphone to 3 m) at the moment you most want to say what? Guy 3: I want to say: "ride a white horse is not necessarily the prince, in China there still may be Tang's monk".(very ambiguous at No. six and women laugh) Host: Well, that's good!Congratulations, Mr. Tang and success - in hand, Pegasus walk street tour free experience securities would then by the staff to your dormitory.Wish you a happy life.So here, this period "the thunder do not engage in"
to this end, we show here on behalf of all the actors, I wish our English Department of Changji University of singletons as soon as possible to find the other half of life, I wish all people on the scene for a lifetime of happiness.Thank you. (all the actors stand in a row to bow out) Actor: six female guest, Mina O guest, a host, a Voice-Over Props: a Lei do not produce hand-held card host, actor garment owned, 3 male guests Tang Sengzhuang Music: if you are the one opening theme and the end of the song, 1 male English songs, Changjiang Delta style, Mike Jackson dances, journey to the West's theme music
《非雷勿搞》——浙师专场版 人员:主持人、5位女嘉宾、3位男嘉宾、1个画外音、2个... 谢谢! 随机推荐: 校园7人超搞笑小品 隆中会 本剧本有偿使用,联系电话:...
《非雷勿搞》 中国科学院研究生院中关村园区学生会女生部版权所有 引用请注明 出处 (画外音:欢迎来到科院卫视,有请主持人雷梦飞) (音乐起,主持人出场) 开场白:大家...
女主持人:(入场舞动观众热情音乐): 大家好,欢迎收看“非雷勿扰”,我是主持人小... 一直受到院网、集团网、公司网等主流网站媒体的关注.至此中秋... 非雷勿扰搞笑版剧本 ...